"When they see me, do they see you?"

That line from Sidewalk Prophets stops me in my tracks every time.  My daughter is not saved.  Does she see Christ in me or does she see a mad woman?


The last month or so I've had an incredibly hard time keeping my head above water.  I have felt like I was drowning with the storms of life.  And even though I tried to focus on the Lord, I just wasn't coming out of my funk.

Then a chain of events happened...

I went to Beth Moore's Simulcast and felt God right there with me, trying to reach into the dark places where I'm struggling so hard.  Her prayer over each of us was exactly what I didn't know how to pray for myself.  Then I came home and felt defeated quickly, within a day.  However, my prayers started changing.  Instead of asking God to stop the day after day disappointments with my daughter, I asked Him for a new perspective.  Duh, right?  Looking at someone else's situation, I could come to that conclusion, but when we are in the storm, it's just plain hard to see the path.

The next week I took my daughter and her friend to see Francesca Battistelli, Sidewalk Prophets, Andy Cherry, and City Harbor (great new duo).  It was wonderful to see her so happy and engaged.  And every song seemed to speak straight to me.  It strengthened me.  I tried to get lost in their music daily after that.

This past Thursday I was walking the daily mile with my daughter, along our country road through the woods, while listening to uplifting music (one of my favorite things to do).  I was praying and heard the lyrics "your presence is heaven to me."  At that moment, I felt I was walking in heaven.  The sun was coming through the trees like God himself.  I envisioned Christ walking next to me and that's when He revealed a truth to me.  If He was right next to me, He was between me and my daughter.  And if He was between us, I couldn't see her without seeing Him.  I was awestruck. 

God brought my new perspective in a very personal, very real way.  He cares enough to give me what I need in a way that will speak to me deeply and personally. 

Saturday I attended a local women's conference.  The speaker had much more in common with me than I would have ever thought.  She had bitterness from past experiences she had worked through.  She had no biological children, but had adopted.  And had two girls with the same disorder as my daughter.  A disorder that tears families apart and brings mothers to their knees and destroys the children.  This is the first person I met that didn't have that biological bond before having a child with this disorder (in which they usually do not have the ability to truly love).  And she lives less than an hour away.  She was an answer to prayer.  She let me know that I can get through this with God's help, and with others' help even though we are nowhere near the end of the road.  She conveyed that she, too, has days she does not want to get out of bed and face what's going to happen.  It lifted more of the weight of my shoulders to know there is someone so like me, who really knows the feeling of loss.  And she taught me that I have to ask for help, period.  Even when others have busy schedules, I must have a network of people that can help me.

Sunday, the sermon was on peace.  We know it's there, but we let ourselves and the devil steal it and our joy.  Man, I've just plain handed it over to him lately.  Then this morning, two different devotions were on peace.  And this morning I feel more at peace than I have for over a month.  God is in control and He is in charge of her life.  I will make mistakes, but He's got this and He will see me through. 

4 Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  5 Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.

Phillipians 4:4-9

Beth Moore challenged us to pray that in a few months we won't recognize ourselves.  God will change us into someone we won't recognize.  That is the key.  To get ourselves and our perspective out of the way and let God work.  It's not easy, but He is there no matter what. 

This coming weekend I'm going to Virginia with a group of women for further renewing.  God has given me something weekly so I can be picked up and carried into a better place.  I'm so thankful.

Thank you, Lord, for speaking directly to me and for helping the fog clear.  Help me get past my unworthiness and realize it is about You.  Please keep me close and transform me into a woman I do not recognize.  Amen.