My last post was 5 weeks ago. Since then my daughter has had many "growth spurts" spiritually and emotionally. It's hard to know where to start.
This journey with my daughter has not been easy. She's been 'stuck' for a couple of years if not all the time she's been home with us. But almost overnight, she started pulling herself forward. It's like someone stuck in bubble gum. For the longest time she just sat there in the midst of pink stickiness. Then she decided she wanted life outside the goo. She is pulling against it, snapping back some, but making progress each time she sets out.
The garden metaphor was the launching point. Then daughter started understanding truths during Sunday night sermons. She finally believed that God does not hate her. He loves her no matter what. She also learned that He will sit back and let her make her own decisions even if they are bad for her, because he does not force salvation. He desires her heart, not just following rules.
During fire training with my husband, she finally understood the value of rules. In a fire, if people do it their own way, they could die. Rules guide you for the best possible outcome.
Wow, my daughter got all that??? Praise the Lord!
Next...we registered her for camp this summer in Ohio's Amish country. Going through the camp's website, I found they had retreats that week and the next. Perfect chance for her and I to go check it out before she goes up with a friend of mine (I will not be able to take off work to take her to camp, so a friend will take her most of the way for me.) Then I thought, why do we need to go to the retreat? Let's have a girl's week in Amish country vacationing!
For those of you unfamiliar with adoptive families, moms are enemy number 1 due to the hurt. The kids want bio mom's love so bad and fight against getting hurt again and letting go of her. Daughter and I butt heads more than "normal" families, but to a normal degree for adoptive families of older kids. So most thought this was a crazy idea. But as a mom, you have to follow what God is telling you. You know your child better than anyone. My daughter was concerned about being 6 hours away from home at a camp she had never been to, and riding there with people she hadn't met. It was obvious to me (and God) to head out on an adventure and make her feel safe. The best thing for my daughter was to meet my friend and see the camp with me ahead of time. We made plans on Tuesday and left the following Monday.
We stopped to visit my friend, H, so daughter could meet her. She was so nervous outside the house, but was instantly at ease when H answered the door. After a good visit, we headed on for the last 3.5 hrs of the trip. It was pouring rain, but still great girl time. Daughter was soooooo excited when we saw the first buggy. She was just as enchanted with the Amish as I was on my first trip. And for 2.5 days her walls were down, she was smiling, and she easily engaged in conversation with me. It was heaven on earth. God met us there boldly, letting us know the struggles had been worth it. He showed us what mother/daughter relationships were supposed to be like. We had some ups and down the last couple of days, but it was not heartbreaking because we had normal for 2.5 days!! One of the best parts was the day before we left. We were in a thrift store and whala! A section of plain dresses!! We each purchased 2 Amish dresses. :) We were in the dressing room together laughing - truly enjoying ourselves.
It took almost 4 years for those experiences, but it was worth the 4 years of struggle.
Then God orchestrated a beautiful bonding from an awfully hard Sunday morning. After church we asked daughter about Sunday School (same as after every class). She was bitter and said God has never helped her even though he might have helped us. Whoa! We'd spent the day before on a Jeep 4x4 ride, having the best time. Turns out a friend intentionally hurt her and she found out a boy she really really likes not only didn't like her anymore, but thought she was weird. The pain of that is so harsh and devestating as a teenager. But before we found that out, it was just obstinate bitterness. We kept asking her to tell us and she wouldn't. Finally, she pointed to her face and I could see she was getting upset. I walked towards her to hug her and she started crying and came to hug me, too. We sat on the bed while hubby was in the doorway. All three of us talked through it all - the hurt, that noone was wrong in this, and how she is unique and needs to celebrate that. At the end, while I was telling her why her dress looked so nice on her, her friend called. This friend's family just got a phone, so this was not a normal thing. God had her call I have no doubt. And not knowing what happened, just knowing daughter was down, friend said for them to list all the good about daughter. Amazing! God's timing was incredible!! And daughter knew it! We ended up letting the friend spend the night, on a school night, to let daughter know how awesome it was she trusted us enough to talk through her hurt with us.
There has been more talking, more laughter, just normal family time. She said what made the difference was we sat with her. A couple of weeks prior, I printed out a blog post from an adoptee for her to highlight things she has felt or wanted to happen. One of the things was that we sit with her, not leaving no matter what she has done.
We could not have begun to orchestrate this. God did his thing in his way to make it known he did this for her and for us. I can't explain what it is like to finally feel like her mother. Yes, there will be more mountains to climb, but we will make it. She will make it. God is telling us so.
Right now she is outside with 2 friends just being a normal teenager.
In all other circumstances, I've always had hope. It has waxed and waned with my daughter. But God made it clear that he is still in control and hope does not disappoint.
Thank you, Lord, for your love and perfect ways of getting through. In your name I praise! Amen.
