Proverbs 31 blog post today...AWESOME!

November 27, 2012 Found Hope By Nicki Koziarz

"For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." Romans 15:4 (NASB)
We were out of options. The day the Sherriff's car pulled into our driveway, I knew what was coming. After a series of unfortunate events, things had gone from bad to worse to hopeless.
Her friendly, official, sheriff smile did nothing to relieve the emotional discomfort of this dreadful moment. The neighbors peeked through their blinds to see what was happening.
As she handed me the papers, I took them with tears in my eyes.
Looking at the baby in my arms and toddler peeking out from behind me, this kind woman genuinely said, "I'm sorry."
"Thank you," I whispered, as I slowly closed the door.
I sat down on our stairs and read through the official documents. Elaborate lawyer terms, forceful sounding laws I didn't understand, and words bolded in dark ink conveyed the dreadful news; "You must vacate the premises within thirty days."
Foreclosure.
It was unwanted and unavoidable. It felt shameful and embarrassing. And the foreclosure of our home was an aching process of letting go.
The carefully painted mustard-yellow walls: I would miss them so much. How would I survive without the daily afternoon play dates with my neighbor and her children? And what about all those hot dog dinners my husband and I ate to save pennies to buy this sweet home?
So much was about to be taken from us. Just like that.
I didn't understand why God would allow us to walk this humbling road. We had trusted Him, why hadn't He provided?
Any hope I had left in God faded fast. It wasn't something I could muster back up on my own. No, I needed others to fill the gap for me.
In scripture Paul wrote, "For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." (Romans 15:4 NASB)
I learned during this devastating season, when our hearts become grounds of broken dreams, we may need to turn to the hope others have found.
The Bible holds deep historical roots of hope waiting for us to uncover.
We can find hope because ...
Abraham and Sarah found hope by believing while it seemed impossible for them to get pregnant, it was possible for God. (Genesis 15, 17-18)
We can find hope because ...
Ruth and Naomi found hope by moving their lives forward after losing their family. (Ruth 3)
We can find hope because ...
Mary and Martha found hope when they saw Jesus could do anything, including raising their brother from the dead. (John 11)
As I closed the door to our home for the last time, I accepted this place of brokenness. But I also made a choice to find hope no matter what.
I found hope through the eyes of wonder my daughters had as they explored our new rental house. I found hope when my mom helped me unpack our boxes and organize toys. I found hope when my husband's heart drew closer to mine through this difficult experience.
Hope is at the core of who we are as followers of Jesus. As we allow hope to flow into us, it will flow through us even in the most difficult circumstances.
If you feel hopeless in this season of your life, will you look back at those who had hope in Scripture to give you courage to have hope for your future? Hope, it heals our broken dreams.
Dear Lord, thank You for the hope You give us to heal the broken places in our lives. May we have the strength to find hope in all the places that feel hopeless today. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Do you know the God of all hope?
Today on Nicki's blog she has started a hope-inspired challenge! Click here to check it out.
An Untroubled Heart by Micca Campbell
Reflect and Respond:
If you are feeling hopeless, reach out to someone and ask her to share a time where God has given hope.
What is an area in your life you are seeking hope from God? Leave a comment today and let's share our hope struggles.
Power Verses:
1 Peter 1:3, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead." (NIV)
Romans 5:5, "And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." (NIV 1984)

Asking for prayer

Good morning, ladies.  I guess I assume no men read this. :0

Today I'm reaching out to you for prayer.  My heart is broken, deeply.  Over the last month or so I've been hit with realities about my daughter.  It came to fruition yesterday.  She is not capable of loving and does not know what a relationship is.  I have to accept the reality that she does not and likely will not ever love us.  This is my only child (too old to have my own), and I cannot go through adoption again. 

We are moving into a different phase of life now.  The phase where we are coaching a child to grasp what a relationship is so that when she leaves in 4 years she has a chance at being successful with others.  Being a coach rather than a parent will help me distance myself and help her.

I have to give my fears over to God and it is so hard.  Why would He allow a child to be abused where it affects her brain's development to the point she cannot love?  How does she ever accept Christ?  I honestly do not know if her mind is to a place where she can clearly see such a decision (I do not think so) or God sees her as a young child that cannot make that decision.  The latter gives me comfort, the former terrifies me.  Her future terrifies me.  How will she be able to hold down a job to pay for a home?  How will she marry and not divorce? 

I know I love this child because I still want her to have joy in her life.  I want her to be normal.  But that is just not possible right now.  Maybe one day her brain will allow it.  I doubted if I loved her because of how much I hurt.  But if I didn't love her, I wouldn't hurt.

Please keep us in your prayers as we seek God's guidance. 

God moments...

For 5 days this past week, I attended an online conference from home.  Saturday and Sunday were each 3 hours and very exhausting, but good exhausting.  By Monday morning, there was a pep in my step and I felt cleansed - cleansed of my mistakes, wrong perspectives, and my general state of being overwhelmed.

I reached out to a friend over email-
I have no idea what's going on in your life right now, but for the past week or so, I've been praying for you. I was making out a new prayer list and God just put it on my heart to put you on it. So I hope today is filled with blessings for you and your family and whatever struggles, great or small, you feel His presence.

My friend wrote back she had been thinking about me as well and about life altering struggles she's been going through for quite some time.  God knew she needed to know others were praying for her even though I didn't know the situation.  I shared my struggles with her and she responded with the same truth I'd learned in the conference over the weekend.  "We can't fix other people."  [The conference used a bandaid to illustrate it.  We are our kids' bandaid.  We can support them and protect them, but we can't fix them.  I guess God knew I needed the message a couple of times.]

Another cool part to this story - we've never met.  We 'met' in a forum and connected over sewing.  And yet God turned a simple friendship into a deep blessing. 

Dear Lord, thank you for your promptings, your lessons, and your blessings.  And thank you for writing such beautiful stories into our lives.  Thank you, Father.  Amen.

On Our Knees

Last night my husband got a fire call as we were going to sleep.  And in case your husband has never gotten one, you don't go to sleep when that happens. :)  I watched the presidential debate and noticed the time going by, making my bed time later and later.  He made it back home and I was trying to settle down so I could finally fall to sleep.

Then a message popped up on Facebook.  A friend had a very real conflict arise and was asking for prayer from me.  I was so honored that she reached out.  And God filled me with this overwhelming desire to fall to my knees in prayer for her, literally. 

I would have gotten on my knees there in our room, but this was a moment between just me and God.  The most private place in our house is our bathroom.  It's about 6' x 6', including the tub.  :)  I squeezed down onto the floor and prayed for their family to be delivered completely from this conflict.  I begged for a hedge of protection around the children.  And I boldly asked God to provide peace to my friend and her husband immediately, to calm them.

I use to not ever actually get on my knees to pray.  But hearing others talk about how they get down and put their face to the floor has been inspiring.  There is something very humbling and powerful when you are getting as low as you can in order to go to the King, the Most High.

Have you gotten on your knees for your family, for a friend in need, anything; and gone boldly to the King?  He is waiting for you to.

When all the Israelites saw the fire coming down and the glory of the Lord above the temple, they knelt on the pavement with their faces to the ground, and they worshiped and gave thanks to the Lord, saying, “He is good;his love endures forever.”  2 Chronicles 7:3

Thank you, Lord, for making sure I was awake when the request came.  It didn't sit overnight.  I was able to pray immediately for my friend's situation.  Thank you for the realness of life with you and for being there every single time we call on you.  Please hold this family extra close and protect them from any harm this situation could cause.  Please be with all involved, providing wisdom, honesty, and blessings.  In Your Name, Amen.

"When they see me, do they see you?"

That line from Sidewalk Prophets stops me in my tracks every time.  My daughter is not saved.  Does she see Christ in me or does she see a mad woman?


The last month or so I've had an incredibly hard time keeping my head above water.  I have felt like I was drowning with the storms of life.  And even though I tried to focus on the Lord, I just wasn't coming out of my funk.

Then a chain of events happened...

I went to Beth Moore's Simulcast and felt God right there with me, trying to reach into the dark places where I'm struggling so hard.  Her prayer over each of us was exactly what I didn't know how to pray for myself.  Then I came home and felt defeated quickly, within a day.  However, my prayers started changing.  Instead of asking God to stop the day after day disappointments with my daughter, I asked Him for a new perspective.  Duh, right?  Looking at someone else's situation, I could come to that conclusion, but when we are in the storm, it's just plain hard to see the path.

The next week I took my daughter and her friend to see Francesca Battistelli, Sidewalk Prophets, Andy Cherry, and City Harbor (great new duo).  It was wonderful to see her so happy and engaged.  And every song seemed to speak straight to me.  It strengthened me.  I tried to get lost in their music daily after that.

This past Thursday I was walking the daily mile with my daughter, along our country road through the woods, while listening to uplifting music (one of my favorite things to do).  I was praying and heard the lyrics "your presence is heaven to me."  At that moment, I felt I was walking in heaven.  The sun was coming through the trees like God himself.  I envisioned Christ walking next to me and that's when He revealed a truth to me.  If He was right next to me, He was between me and my daughter.  And if He was between us, I couldn't see her without seeing Him.  I was awestruck. 

God brought my new perspective in a very personal, very real way.  He cares enough to give me what I need in a way that will speak to me deeply and personally. 

Saturday I attended a local women's conference.  The speaker had much more in common with me than I would have ever thought.  She had bitterness from past experiences she had worked through.  She had no biological children, but had adopted.  And had two girls with the same disorder as my daughter.  A disorder that tears families apart and brings mothers to their knees and destroys the children.  This is the first person I met that didn't have that biological bond before having a child with this disorder (in which they usually do not have the ability to truly love).  And she lives less than an hour away.  She was an answer to prayer.  She let me know that I can get through this with God's help, and with others' help even though we are nowhere near the end of the road.  She conveyed that she, too, has days she does not want to get out of bed and face what's going to happen.  It lifted more of the weight of my shoulders to know there is someone so like me, who really knows the feeling of loss.  And she taught me that I have to ask for help, period.  Even when others have busy schedules, I must have a network of people that can help me.

Sunday, the sermon was on peace.  We know it's there, but we let ourselves and the devil steal it and our joy.  Man, I've just plain handed it over to him lately.  Then this morning, two different devotions were on peace.  And this morning I feel more at peace than I have for over a month.  God is in control and He is in charge of her life.  I will make mistakes, but He's got this and He will see me through. 

4 Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  5 Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.

Phillipians 4:4-9

Beth Moore challenged us to pray that in a few months we won't recognize ourselves.  God will change us into someone we won't recognize.  That is the key.  To get ourselves and our perspective out of the way and let God work.  It's not easy, but He is there no matter what. 

This coming weekend I'm going to Virginia with a group of women for further renewing.  God has given me something weekly so I can be picked up and carried into a better place.  I'm so thankful.

Thank you, Lord, for speaking directly to me and for helping the fog clear.  Help me get past my unworthiness and realize it is about You.  Please keep me close and transform me into a woman I do not recognize.  Amen.

God's timing

Last Saturday I took a long nap and slowly came back awake around 3pm.  By 3:30, I let hubby know I was heading into town (45 mins away).  I was still tired, but just felt to pull to go.  Noone went with me so it was just 'me' time to enjoy.  I headed off to one book store and then another.  And there stood a friend from our previous church (before we moved). 

We had the one of the best talks we've ever had and I had no doubt God constructed a divine meeting.  She encouraged me so much and just simply refreshed me. 

I then searched for a nail salon.  One was in the shopping center and open!  I decided to treat myself to a mani/pedi and sat down in a wonderful chair that beat the heck out of my back.  I loved it!  While relaxing and feeling like God was taking care of me, I met a lady that is on the financial board of a home for girls in Guatemala.  She and her husband recently sold their home on one acre and kept the other 10.  Since they are traveling to Guatemala so much in the next months (he is on the exec board), they are living in the barn.  Yes, the barn.  They have a climate controlled room and a tiled bathroom in it.  They've sold almost everything they own and are living light.  They will look for a home when they get a chance.

When the world would say that they are crazy, I was truly inspired.  They are handing it over to God and giving all of themselves for others.  Are they without problems?  No.  But they are walking with God, following his lead.

I needed a pick-me-up that day and God put two godly women in my path to encourage and inspire me.  Who is he putting in your path?  Whose path is he putting you in?  Don't pass up the opportunites he puts before you, rather grab each one and look for every blessing he wants to give you.

Lord, I thank you for the women you have put in my life.  You know just when I need a touch from them and provide it in your perfect timing.  You are a wonderful Father!  Amen.

Modern day miracles

Have you ever prayed over a long period of time for family members?  Hoping they will find or rekindle their joy in the Lord? 

God works in such mysterious ways.

A few years ago, a man was with his two teenage sons and homeless.  He called his parents and they drove several states to come get them.  The man was sick and had been to the hospital several times and was unable to work due to abdominal pain.  With no insurance and mounting medical bills, it was difficult to get any help.

As time went on, he got more and more sick, with 150+ trips to emergency rooms.  With no insurance, he never could get a steady doctor to determine what all was going on and what to do to get him well.  He'd try to work when he was feeling better, but it never lasted long.  The pain was too great.  And attempts at working, cut off Medicaid.

Finally, he filed for disability. Records were put together and they headed off to court.  The attorney was friends with the judge, but at the last minute, the judge was switched.  Going back into her chambers, they didn't know what to expect.  The mother was waiting in the court room hoping for enough aid to get him back on his feet and with a steady doctor so he could get well and work. 

After 20 minutes or so, they came out and the hearing had been cancelled.  The judge said they didn't have all the right medical records but she knew they were earnest in getting real help.  She set the new hearing for 60 days, told him to get all the records....and she court-ordered a gastroenterologist to do a full workup so they knew exactly what they were dealing with.  Amazing! 

The mother, who had been asking for prayer, said the judge was no doubt an answer to prayer.  If the judge hadn't been switched, the attorney said they would have lost. 

This man and his mother are relatives of mine whom I've been praying for for a long time.  He has had a hard road and not always made the best decisions which in turn has made it difficult on his mother.  But God is in control and letting them both know he loves them.

Thank you, Lord, for letting us know you are in control in every situation.  And thank you for your mysterious ways in giving hope and strengthening faith.  Amen.

Choose Life!

I've been meaning to write this post and got a little busy.  Then a friend was wondering where I'd been.  God reminded me where my focus needed to be...


I was once again reading one of my christian fiction books by Karen Kingsbury.  The woman lost her husband, a firefighter, on 9/11 in NYC.  You see, she was not a christian but he was devoted to God. She had always been terrified a fire would take him away.  But God brought about crazy circumstances to help her through it. 
Her husband left behind a legacy.  He had notes and highlights all through his bible and even messages to his wife.  He also kept a daily journal of his time with God. 

One day she was flipping through Deuteronomy and the verse he marked for her was about choosing life:

"This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live"
--Deuteronomy 30:19 NIV

She was living in her husband's memory for too long and through this verse, she knew God was telling her to choose life, not death.

Well, the next day, I received Lifeway's ad and in it was Beth Moore's "The Law of Love, Lessons from the Pages of Deuteronomy" bible study.  Hmmm....mere coincidence?  Then I received Klove's daily verse - Deuteronomy 30:20 (yes, the next verse).

NLT - "You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life."

NIV - " and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob."

Yes, God, I will go and I will get that bible study on your command!  I will choose the life you have for me, the abundant life that is your plan, and not mine. 

I am now in the process of setting up a schedule for our church women to go through this study.  I do not know what he has in store for us, but I believe it's his plan we do it.


In the time since this happened, I've needed the reminder to choose life.  I tend to lose focus and get bogged down with parenting issues.  But God is faithful to keep reminding me to focus on him and his path.  Thank you, Lord.  Today I choose life!

His way

Have you ever been going along and God does something totally unexpected?  I pray you have.

I was on my way to church last night and I was debating staying - my stomach was not feeling too good.  But I ended up staying and was so glad I did.  We had one of the missionaries fill in for our pastor and he spoke on abundant life/fulfillment.  Just a few weeks before I had told some family members about the abundant life God was showing me.  But the last day didn't feel so abundant.  My husband was mad at me and I just didn't feel the urge to run and apologize.  I knew it was wrong, but wanted to truly be sorry before I apologized. 

My daughter and I headed home and on the way, I saw the same dog on the side of the road I'd seen on the way there.  I was hoping he was sleeping, but I knew he wasn't.  From the house and car where he lived, I figured the owner(s) was older.  A car came up behind me so I kept going.  But something was tugging at me.  The dog was across the road and down a little ways from the house.  There was a large possibility the owners wouldn't see him and would wonder where he was.  I recently wondered for a couple of weeks before deciding a coyote or fox got my young cat.  I didn't want someone else to go through the same wait and see.

So I turned around and pulled into the driveway.  My daughter stayed in the car while I went to the side door.  The front porch had a latch to get to the front door and I didn't want to intrude anymore than I already felt I was.  Gladys came to the front door and I went around.  She smiled, happy to see someone come by.  Then I apologized for the reason I stopped and told her.  Immediately tears welled up and she said that was her husband's dog.  I offered to bring the dog back over to the house and at first she refused, afraid she was inconveniencing me.  But I convinced her to get a trash bag and she also brought out gloves. 

I went and retrieved Snowball, placing him in the side yard.  She then asked me to come wash my hands inside.  As I did, I commented on the southern gospel group she was watching on the t.v.  This lady knew the Lord.  I came out of the bathroom and we started talking.  She was still teary and explained her husband was no longer living, she was a home health nurse and her recent patient had passed, and her niece just had both legs amputated.  She was depressed.  I hugged her and we both agreed God sent me there - to brighten her day with a visit, and to show me I do have time to get to know more people and spend time with them.

As we discussed her husband, I told her about mine.  She told me to live each day to the fullest.  Her husband died 5 weeks after his cancer diagnosis.  God was nudging me to go home and apologize.  As I left, I told Gladys I would bring my daughter back in the next week when we had more time and visit with her.  She was thrilled.

At home, I went in and apologized and my husband's demeanor completely changed.  Then I told him about Gladys.  As I did, I remembered the preacher mentioning the 28-29 widows that live right around the church this past Sunday morning.  And I remembered telling a friend that afternoon I was going to church and maybe God will make me feel guilty enough to apologize. 

I guess God decided we would start ministering now.  And he would put a desire in my heart to apologize.  All in His way.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.    ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Lord, thank you for getting my attention to do what I needed to do.  Thank you for bringing Gladys into my life.  And thank you for doing things your way and not mine.  Amen.

New born foals

Have you ever watched a foal being born in person or on a video?  When the foal stands up for the first time, mama will knock it back down so it does not forget how it got up in the first place.

I believe our struggles are like that.  This past weekend my daughter and I had a wonderful day of girl time - shopping and heading to the library.  It was like we were standing for the first time in a long time.  Then Monday hit - and we got knocked down.  She decided to use her old way of dealing with things and stay down so to speak.  Instead of getting frustrated right along with her, I got back up.  I responded how I should have instead of how I use to.  I kept Saturday in mind, knowing that even though we had a wonderful day, God doesn't promise a bed of roses from here on out.  But He gave me another glimpse of what could be.  He gave me another dose of hope.  He's good that way.

Father, thank you for giving us what we need when we need it, in your perfect timing.  Thank you for making your desires the desires of our heart.  Amen.

Is your heart troubled?

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me."   ~ John 14:1 NIV

At three o'clock this morning, I woke up and was wide awake.  I laid there trying to get back to sleep, but my mind wouldn't let me.  I really needed the sleep and started worrying about that.  Then I started worrying about every single aspect of my life.  Then I was worrying because I was worrying.  What was going on with me??  I do not know why I went so far down this awful path, but I did.  Then I realized what I was doing and started praying.  The next thing I know the alarm is going off.  Hmmmm....when I asked God to please take away my worry, he gave me rest.

This morning I logged in and John 14:1 was staring me in the face.  Oh what peace washed over me! 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  ~Matthew 11:28 NIV

Thank you, Lord, for being a Father who always will comfort us and guide us even when we've gone astray.  Amen.

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:30-31


I'm an avid reader, and I love to read christian fiction.  I don't read them for the love stories, and when that is the main story line, I tend to get bored.  What keeps me turning the pages is the relationships these characters have with God and how they include Him in their responses to people and situations.  Some are so human, and I can really relate to them.  They show me noone is perfect, everyone fails.  Others are spiritually so far beyond me that I strive to have their faith or courage or discipline.

I'm reading a series right now and Monday night the main character was struggling with her Broadway castmates.  She had started a bible study there at the theater, and the director told her she had to stop meeting.  The rest of the cast felt she was judging them.  They were entrapped in pills, homosexuality, the big gotchas in their world.  She hated that she backed down and didn't fight for the bible study.  But then she got her second wind after a group of older ladies (in another bible study) discussed eagles.

I have not looked this up to confirm it's fact, but hopefully it is...

Eagles soar high and crows tend to gang up on them to peck at them.  The eagle, being a larger bird, simply has to soar higher where the smaller birds cannot reach him.  Crows will always peck at the eagles and eagles can either be beaten down or simply soar higher.  And we can either be beaten down or soar higher/closer to God to get away from the crows of this world.

The character went on to have the bible study outside of the theater.  She is asked by a homosexual male about whether God loves him because of his sin.  The writer did an excellent job here, and explained how everyone fights life long battles against certain sins.  It may be pride for example.  The difference is that as a christian, you turn to God to help you with it and keep striving to rid yourself of it instead of just living in the sin.  It was a non-judgemental response with a wonderful, caring perspective.

On Tuesday, I was was hit square in the chest by a response to my blood drive email at work, which was copied to our entire site and some outside our company.  A colleague was fuming about homosexuals not being able to donate at our blood drive.  After a couple of seconds, it dawned on me, this is like the challenge in the book.  So I focused on God and prayed for him to calm my nerves and give me an appropriate response.  I did apologize to those outside the company and responded to this man directly.  I simply told him to not reply all to anymore blood drive emails and that it did go outside the company.  I wanted to lash out at him and tell him I had to apologize to people and this was completely unprofessional.  But I kept my emotions out of it so I would not end up in a fight with the devil.  I didn't peck back, but flew harder towards God.  I was doubly floored by this since 4 yrs ago, he approached me privately when he first tried to donate.  I was not expecting this in the least.

Had I not read that story the night before, I don't think I would have responded like I did.  I think I would have gotten very angry and hurt, and said something God really wouldn't have wanted me to.  And now I'm praying for this man, focusing on his struggle and that he'll see God's love and truth. 

So, yes, I will keep reading my books.  Not as a substitute to the bible by any means, but as yet another way for God to speak to me. 

Thank you, Lord, for the many ways you speak to us, to bring us closer to you.  Thank you for creation and how you use it to show us truths.  Please reveal yourself to this man.  In your name, Amen.

"God Never Wastes Our Pain"

This morning I received a very encouraging email.  Then I remembered that a friend told me to be sure and read my daily email from Proverbs 31 Ministries.  I copied it in below.  If you follow this blog, or know me very well, you know that I very easily could have written this.  And God used it to let me know that there are others going through the same trials and triumphs - something that is vital to my journey.  Please share how God has encouraged you through a comment to this post.

Father, thank you for showing yourself to me daily.  Your love is limitless, so much so, I can't fathom it.  You are awesome!  Amen.

God Never Wastes Our PainBy Glynnis Whitwer

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

She'd betrayed me again. Hurt and anger simmered as I walked away counting to 10, then 20. Lord, this assignment is difficult! I feel like such a failure.

Feelings of shame filled me as I thought about my reaction toward my child who'd taunted me. Shouldn't I be above this? I asked myself. Shouldn't I be able to deal with rejection and deceit without getting angry? Why can't I rejoice in my trials like those first followers of Jesus?

That day, as always, God let me vent. As I presented my hurt and angry emotions to Him, He poured peace over my heart. My circumstances hadn't changed, but once again my heart was restored, and I felt encouraged.

God and I have been through this before. Despite my battered heart, this assignment to care for my wounded girl is mine.

You see, seven years ago, God added to our family through an international adoption. We didn't know the trauma our beautiful girls had experienced, but God did. And although some people's adoption story seems almost effortless, ours has come with a high cost. And for most of those seven years we have walked a painful journey with our daughters while sharing in their suffering.

In those seven years I've learned more about living with pain and helplessness than in all my previous years combined. I've also had to make some hard decisions about what I believe about God.

Mostly I've had to dig deep into whether or not I believe God can truly bring good out of all pain, or if my daughters' suffering and ours is just a waste.

In that process, I've come to believe that God will never waste our pain, but I can.

• When I'm not honest about the reality of how hard life is, I waste God's offer of peace.

• When I try to do things in my own strength, I waste God's offer of power.

• When I keep the pain to myself, and pretend everything is perfect, I waste opportunities to minister to others walking a similar path.

But when I confess my feelings of inadequacies, when I admit I'm helpless to heal the wounded ones in my care, I get to a place of reliance - and that's just where God wants me. For in this place of helplessness, God takes center stage. And when I let God lead, miracles start to happen.

Although I'd remove the pain and trauma with a snap of my fingers if I could, I know God is working even in this.

Especially in this.

I can talk about God's power all day long, but experiencing it changes me. It changes those around me.
Like Paul said in our key verse today, I find my way to being glad for this weakness in me. I'm not glad for sin or what caused the brokenness my daughters and I are facing. But I see pain for what it is - a condition of this fallen world, and a place for God to do His best work. The evil one's plans don't succeed, because the battle isn't mine anymore. God's power takes over when I step back.

This perspective shift helps me face another day. My circumstances haven't changed, but hope has seeped in through the cracks. No pain is wasted when I submit myself to God's plans. And we are seeing God's healing power in the lives of two precious girls.

Dear Lord, we've been here before, with me asking for relief. Help me to accept my weakness in this situation, and to allow Your power to take over. I admit I don't understand how this works, but I'm choosing to trust Your Word. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Sometimes we need to be quiet

In my devotion this morning, it talked about when Jesus was quiet before Caiaphas in Matthew 26:57-64.  It went on to explain that sometimes we just need to be quiet, especially when the person challenging our faith is not sincere in finding the truth.

Yesterday I was physically present at a meeting for which normally I call in.  I was shocked at some of the language that was effortlessly thrown out there like it was okay.  I had to decide how to react.  Luckily the Holy Spirit told me to be quiet, bringing it up would do no good.  I simply looked down at my notes and did not respond to their general statement with agreement nor disagreement.  Did my message come across?  I have no idea.  But I did not come across legalistic in demanding such talk is not appropriate.  If it happens again, I'm not sure I can keep my mouth shut, but pray the Spirit will guide me in my response.

Then God brought to my attention when I wasn't quiet.  I shared something that seemed sharable to me but apparently wasn't to my husband.  Ouch!  This was not anything personal to him, but a household situation we are fixing.  I didn't listen to that still small voice that asked if hubby would mind if I shared.  God has to keep giving me that lesson, and I wish I would hurry up and learn it. :)  Thank goodness He doesn't give up.

This morning I woke up and found out a loved one passed...via Facebook.  This hurt and I was angry with my relative that posted it before someone could call me.  But I have no right, I did not better in keeping my mouth shut. 

So there are 3 situations within 24 hours and 1 devotional that God used to speak to me about keeping silent.  It amazes me how He will find different ways to drive a point home.

Thank you, Lord, for openly teaching us when we are not on Your path.  Please silence me when it is needed and open my mouth when it is needed.  Thank you for the unexpected ways You speak.  Amen.

E + R = O

I'm taking a class at work based on the book "Success Principles" by Jack Canfield.  You probably know him and don't realize it.  He's co-creator the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books. 

In this book, he explains this formula, E + R = O.  Event + Response = Outcome.  And which part of this do we have control over?  Hmmmm....the response and then the outcome will change.  I have been focusing on my responses lately so I'm eating this up. :)  He explains how the same response gets the same outcome, etc.  He goes on to mention what we have control over - our thoughts, our visualizations, and our actions. 

Hmmm....the book isn't biblical, but I seem to remember God telling us the same thing.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  Proverbs 15:1

¹⁹ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  James 1:19

⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Philippians 4:8 NIV

God directly speaks to this.  It's the garbage-in garbage-out idea.  In order to control our thoughts, we need to set our minds on the right things.  Then our actions will more easily follow suit.  Yes, this is easier said than done, especially when you are very frustrated, but God gives us the tools, they are there for the taking.

Thank you, Father, for your guidance.  Please show each of us the specific tools You have for us in order to change our responses and outcomes.  Thank you for all You do for us, Amen. 

Praise God!

Good morning!  Do you ever want to share a wonderful feeling from the Lord?  I want to share like crazy. 

This week, He has shown me kids in our church who are hurting, He has shown me He wants to guide me, and He has shown me hope.  He's given me joy and peace and I praise Him for that.  Proverbs chapter 1 discusses gaining wisdom and knowledge and fearing the Lord.  When we do this, we are at ease.  Amen!  The more we are in His Word, the greater our peace and our joy.  He has so much to show us as He grows us. 

Thank you, Father, for investing in each one of us, no matter how we get off track or neglect your Word.  You continue to reach out to us and show yourself.  Thank you for being there no matter what.  Amen.

Praise God this morning for what He is doing in you!

Who are we praying for?

"First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people..." 
1 Timothy 2:1 ESV

I guess the first question should be, are we "praying at all times"?  Our prayer life should not be just for Sunday mornings or even daily, it should be constantly, involving every area of our life no matter how small.  God really does want to be in the details of our life.

That being said, who do we pray for?  Most of us pray for our family, ourselves, friends, church family.  What about those groups of people who are not going through intermittent struggles but they struggle every single day of their lives?

There are so many here in our area, especially kids, that are living with abuse and other struggles.  And there are areas like this all over the world.  Our trip to Alaska opened my eyes to the people in villages that are struggling daily.  So when God tells us "⁸ But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” Acts 1:8, is He not also telling us to pray for the people in those places?

I challenge myself and you to reach out and have a burden in your heart for a people group, learn what you can, and pray for them daily. 

Thank you, Lord, for the burdens you put in our hearts for your people.  Please show each person taking this challenge those you want them to pray for and love.  I praise you for the abundant life you give us.  Amen.

Strong enough?

"Strong Enough"    -Matthew West

You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Oh, yeah

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough

This goes along with the verse I posted yesterday, 2 Corinthians 12:9, My strength is made perfect in his weakness.

When I first heard this song, I passed it on to an acquaintance online going through what I consider insurmountable situations.  Her husband lost his job and their adopted teenage daughter was hurting her younger children, attacking her, and accusing her of child abuse, for which she was arrested.  Yet she kept trying to help this girl no matter what she did to the family.  This song really spoke to her. 

At the time I was in a happy place and was thankful it wasn't applying to me.  Then wham!  God said I was too comfortable.  Just when I thought everything was smooth some major issues came up with my daughter.  I didn't understand.  Then I'd hear this song and wonder if this was the road I was going down.  Was God telling me to step back and let Him take full control?  And what is full control?  I stepped back some but not enough. 

During this time, hope was an issue for me.  One other time in my life did I lose hope and I went down a dark path.  I had no intention of doing that again, so I searched for what God was revealing to me.

The mission trip team did team devotionals on fruit of the spirit.  They really convicted me.  I did fine with everyone else but my daughter.  I could not control my emotions where she was concerned and it was hurting our relationship.  At the end of our trip, due to lack of sleep, etc, a friend and I had a melt down in our relationship.  Finally, I was "down to nothing" as the song says and I got it, truly got it.  I am not strong enough.  And I let go.  No matter what I do, God is in control and I don't have to be strong.

He provided me hope in the last week, real hope from His word and those around me.  I relaxed and asked Him to take over.  My fear was that my daughter's therapist wasn't seeing everything I was and how she was retreating rather than progressing.  I decided that God will show her and the right people what is going on so they can help her and the decisions concerning her will not be solely on my shoulders.  And God spoke loudly to say "I'm here, my daughter, and now I can work that you've stepped back."  During therapy yesterday, the therapist got it and realized what I had been seeing.  

I have been much calmer with my daughter in the last 2 weeks.  This came from shifting my focus from her and her situation to God.  I can't control what she does, and reacting the same way was getting me nowhere.  God showed me I needed to change me to be spiritually healthy and let Him take over.  What peace came over me.  I feel I'm on a new journey and running towards my Father and that is sheer joy.

Thank you, Father, for your patience with your children.  Thank you for being strong enough and always having control.  Thank you for speaking to us when we seek you, and speaking in such wonderful ways.  Thank you for holding me so close.  Amen.

Are you glowing?

What an amazing trip we had in Alaska!  God did not disappoint us.  He dazzled us with scenery and drew us near to him through testimonies from the students.

We were privileged to have a female student with us for the week.  She comes from a village on the west coast of Alaska. 

The other villages call it Suicide Village because the suicides are so rampant.  She shared her story with us of cousins and a sister who committed suicide.  It wasn't until she was 16 and peeking in at a Vacation Bible School that she decided she wanted to be happy.  She saw a glow on the faces of the people there and she wanted it.  She was tired of the alcoholism and depression around her.  I thank God for the VBS and the workers that reached out even though she sat there with her hood up, determined not to be involved. 

She is now 25 and seeking God in EVERY part of her life.  And I mean EVERY part.  She is sold out to him but realizes she's still human.  She struggles daily with His guidance and wanting to truly hear Him.  Her maturity in the Lord is heart stopping.

My daughter got to hear her testimony and although it won't make an impact in the short term, I know she will remember every word and when she's ready to be happy, she will reflect on my friend's journey. 

Hmmmm....are you glowing?  Are you letting God shine through you?  Seems it's a daily question to ask ourselves.  If we are His child, we are to be His light.  Let Him shine through today.

Father God, I praise you for shining through circumstances that are so completely out of our control.  Thank you for being in control and the peace that gives us.  Please make it clear to my friend the next step of her journey.  Please make my next steps clear as well.  Thank you so much, amen.

My strength is made perfect in weakness.   2 Corinthians 12:9

"...Here am I. Send me!"

⁸ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us? ”

And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”  Isaiah 6:8

This morning I read a friend's blog and was inspired to pick mine back up.  And I thank God for sending me that friend last fall at a conference.  She is such a God-centered woman and who couldn't use another friend like that?  :)

In the last year especially, I have really focused on listening to God's guidance in my life.  And for those times when I truly hear Him, the blessings become a flood.  The times when I don't, well, life gets a bit crazy. 



One Saturday 3 months or so ago I went to a women's luncheon with some old friends and God told me it's time for a mission trip.  I've always wanted to go on one, but have never given it serious thought.  The next day I spoke with my dear friend at church and within the week, a mission trip was in the works for May.  We leave in 2 days!  During the prep for this trip, God has shown the 15 of us going amazing things about Him and ourselves.  I can't imagine what the actual trip will do for us. 

We are going to a college that ministers to students from the bush of Alaska.  However, they will not be at the college when we are.  I kept trying to think of something we could leave on their pillows when they return in the fall to let them know they are the reason for our trip and that we care about them.  Bookmarks with verses came to mind, and maybe....maybe we can get those done this summer after the trip and send them back up.  Because I didn't possibly have time to do it after all the fundraisers and activities going on for the local kids. 

This Monday God said to get the kids from church involved and get it done this week.  So, we got the bookmarks made and took them to church last night.  Then we had the 1st - 6th graders put a message or picture on the back to make them personal.  The kids loved getting to be part of our trip and their messages were so sweet.  The idea of helping the students put wonderfully huge smiles on their faces.

Did this idea come from me?  No, it was all God.  I'm so thankful He was loud and clear about it.  I had to put other things aside, but once again, the blessings poured down.

Lord, I thank you for your guidance, your blessings, and your love.  We fall so short in so many ways and yet you choose to use us anyway.  What a perfect plan so we do not get the glory or your works.  Please help me to continue to truly listen and seek you every single day.  And help us make an impact for you on this mission trip.  You are amazing!  Amen.

Starting the New Year off right? I challenge you!

Happy New Year to everyone!  I trust you have already counted your many blessings of 2011.  For the first time, my husband, daughter, and I did this at dinner on the 31st.  2011 was one of the best years of my life.  It taught me that if I give my heart over to God, He will fill it with His desires for me and show me an abundant life. 

Do I always get to see all the wonders He has for me?  No, I don't think so.  I mess things up too much trying to do them myself.  But for the times I can let go and let God, my cup overflows.

This morning my cup overflows with my daughter at home with me at her desk and me at mine.  There is an incredible blessing in being with your kids every day and seeing your husband throughout the day.  In the few weeks she has been homeschooled, we have grown closer together - getting that really cool time together. 

I challenge each of you to simplify your life in one way during January.  Klove has a challenge to only listen to christian music for 30 days.  Maybe you only read christian literature, or you go the month without t.v., or decrease your tv time by one hour a day.  Spend one hour more a day with your family instead of on a gadget.  God knows what the challenge is for you.  Seek it and live abundantly!!

Thank you, Lord, for your many blessings and guiding hand in my life.  Remind me when I'm not paying attention and are veering off your road.  I praise you for what I see you doing in my family and in others I can see.  Please show me how to serve you this year.  Amen.