Since my last post, we had some more 'ups', but then the 'downs' came and that is all we've had for the last few weeks. I knew it would come, I just didn't expect it so soon.
My anger is back due to the hurt of my daughter's choices, for herself and our family. And the fog came back. Have you ever had that fogginess in your brain? Where nothing makes sense and you can't grasp the meaning of what's going on? It feels like cobwebs are all around my brain.
I started asking God to change my heart...yet again. Doesn't he get tired of the same story over and over again? The preacher stated yesterday, "When you are ready to quit, pray." So simple, yet full of wonderful truth. It's not that I haven't been praying, I just haven't been able to see straight for the anger of once again going down the road where my child is not engaged in the least, refuses to put effort into anything (even for herself), and defies even the smallest things we are about.
Then God SPOKE to me this morning. It's so humbling to know he takes such time when I'm off course to get me back next to Him, snuggled up, so I can get through the day.
The first devotion, which turns out, was not today's, was about anger! It asked what kindles our anger - righteous indignation or hurt? For most, it says, we are angry and condemning the sins of others. Ouch. The prayer and verse...
"Lord Jesus, your scathing anger was directed against what grieved your holy love. My anger is often just a reaction to what hurts me. Help me, Lord, to feel anger only at what needs a does of 'righteous indignation' and action on my part."
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. EPHESIANS 4:31 (NLT)
Then I prayed. I asked God to show me what I need to do for Him to change my heart. He brought to mind I have not worshipped with music in several days. Thank you! Today I will get my earbuds and praise him as I work and get to that sweet spot of worship where my focus is on Him, and not the circumstances in my home. Then the anger can subside.
I picked up the 2nd devotional reading.
I am in pain and distress; may your salvation, O God, protect me. I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving. PSALM 69:29-30 (NIV)
Wow! I'm listening, God!!
And back to the correct day in my first devotional titled Obedience and Joy.
Elisabeth Elliot: "Obedience always leads finally to joy."
"Father in heaven, as Jesus was always in contact with you and obedient to you, help me to be alert for you thoughts and obedient to your commands.Help me to find your joy this day and to share it with others."
Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." PSALM 30:5 (NLT)
Lord, thank you for always being there to guide me no matter my faulty thinking. I tend to get angry when I am hurt and yet when I hurt you, you show love and compassion. Thank you for clearing the fog and setting me on a right course. Please protect my words and actions today no matter the circumstances. Amen.
